40 Days- The Middle
by
Ugh, internet. I had to drag myself to yoga last night. Mom kept coming into the office and pointedly asking me if I was going to get ready to go and Dad threw his yoga clothes on and I was just sitting there on my ass watching Doctor Who (classic, 5th Doctor Tom Baker, season 12, The Androids of Tara) and I so did not want to go. It was a kicking and screaming situation.
You know what I’ve realized about myself during this whole crazy 40 days situation? I’m really lazy about exercise. Not in a I-don’t-exercise-or-do-physical-activities-or-go-out kind of way, but more in a if-it’s-mildly-inconvienent-I’m-not-interested kind of way. If I’m going to be in the studio because I’m teaching a class before or after, I’m in, but if I have to wake up in the morning and get there? Not a fat chance in hell, bucko.
The same principle was starting to drip over into my life pretty badly. In October/ November/ December of last year, I was seriously lacking in motivation to do anything. Go outside? It’s gross out. Work out? I’m single, who cares? Clean my room? Brush my hair? Meh.
Recently, though, I’ve been seeing a major upswing in my life, and I think (no offense to the 40 days program) it’s this blog. Because this is blog post 53, and I haven’t skipped one day yet. I got over making excuses. I finally committed to playing a big show with my friend that’s happening this week. I’ve been chasing job leads (and succeeded in scoring a few!!) and having the blog to point to as proof of both my writing prowess and my commitment to routine has absolutely been helping. I cleaned my room today, properly, with, like, a sponge, in the first time in (this is gross) several months.
However, without the 40 days program, I don’t think I would have realized that any of this was really happening to me. Per as usual, I would have chalked it up to life being random and awesome, without being able to see how these little changes and “lucky” events have been happening with increasing magnitude and regularity, and how they’re adding up, and how they’re a direct result of a concrete change I made in my life.
A 40 day-er commented during a meeting that one of her friends decided to walk to work everyday, and in a conversation, remarked that he’d only made the decision to do it once, and that was that. I think, in a way, this blog has been very much like that. I made the decision to write everyday, and I’ve been doing it. I haven’t done something every day for this many days in a row maybe ever before (with the obvious exceptions of, say, brushing my teeth and eating), and it feels really good. I think the best part is that with a daily commitment I have to schedule around, I’m realizing I have much more time in my day than I think I have, and I’m cutting wayyy back on T.V. and internet time and spending more free time playing music and writing and doing yoga.
I don’t think I’m ready for another big, everyday commitment right now, but I’m glad I figured this out about myself. Maybe I’ll even go to yoga in the morning this week. Baby steps.
Originally posted on hnwcassandra.com